Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
