What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He passed out mid-signature
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize