Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
