I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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