Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
