Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
