I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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