Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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