Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
