i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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