Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
