Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
