she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
