Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
