I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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