i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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