What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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