Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
