Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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