there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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