dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
