New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
