Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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