Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize