Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
