I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
