I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I FOUND THE LEGS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
