I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize