I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
