Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
