There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sarcasm needs its own font
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
