oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize