I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
