last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That accounts for only three of the penises
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize