Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
