Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
