You smell like stripper and shame
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love you. Go after that dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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