do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
