Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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