Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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