we're blogging at a bar
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
