yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
