Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
