i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
