i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you didnt know i had herpes?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
