Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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