Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
