How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
