Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
