Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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