Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
