Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
