I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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