so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
