come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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