omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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