What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
