You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
