my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
