did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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