Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
