We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
