There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
