You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
