This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
