She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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